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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
*Silence falls*

Q: What happens when the headless monks leave banana peels on the floor?
A: Silence will fall

Q: How many Sontarans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! Sontarans do not fear the dark!

Q: How many Time Lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Interference in the lighting practices of other cultures is strictly forbidden.

Q: How many cybermen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: LIGHTBULBS ARE INELEGANT. THEY WILL BE UPGRADED.

Yo momma's so fat, the whole Slavine family could fit inside her at once

Yo momma's so fat, the cybermen upgraded her into a hot dog van

Yo momma's so fat, project indigo took her to an ice cream parlor

Yo momma's so fat, the Adipose consider her a natural resource

Yo momma's so fat, Captain Jack didn't try to flirt with her


Why did the chicken cross the road?

The tesselector: Our records office is sealed to the public. The chicken isn't guilty of anything.

River Song: Spoilers.

The Eleventh Doctor: Chickens are cool!

The Tenth Doctor: I dunno. I've learnt to stay away from hens.

The Ninth Doctor: Common poultry with migratory habits. Fantastic!

The Sixth Doctor: I haven't the slightest idea, Perry. Perry!

The Fifth Doctor: Ah. I'm not quite sure, but I'm sure someone around here could tell us!

The Fourth Doctor: Would it like a jelly baby?

Idris/Sexy: Do chickens cross roads?

The daleks: The chicken will be exterminated!

Harriet Jones, Prime Minister: Harriet Jones, Prime Minister. Has the chicken requested assistance?

The street vendors of NNY: Buy some happy for your trip across the road!

Amy Pond: I don't know. Does it matter, a chicken crossing?

Jackie Tyler: That chicken's mother is probably worried about it.

Captain Jack: Hello, chicken.

The Judoon: We have no juristiction over chickens.

Torchwood: If it's avian, it's ours.
What better way to improve a bad day than by thinking up jokes about Doctor Who?

Now, I'm pretty sure that I came up with most of these, but some of them were fairly obvious and so it's entirely possible that someone else thought of them first. No plagiarism intended if that is the case.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconninjabrony817:
NinjaBrony817 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Student General Artist
OR:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ooway.
Ooway who?
Oowaaay oooo wheooowoooooooooo
Reply
:iconwolf-wishes-bluefire:
so my dad was putting up a picture of the Doctor on the wall & it was crooked, so I thought 'He doesn't need to be straight', & had to try so hard not to laugh like a phyco XD
Reply
:iconwolf-wishes-bluefire:
what about:
What's the Doctor's favorite type of wolf?

Bad Wolf.
Reply
:icontherandomgal800:
therandomgal800 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Clap HAHA! I applause you. Nice one!
Reply
:iconbeingsanenotmything:
BeingSaneNotMyThing Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You sir, have a spontaneous talent...
UPGRADE IS NO LONGER NEEDED 
Reply
:iconannabean527:
AnnaBean527 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Jack will flirt with anything that moves, poultry or otherwise.
Reply
:iconthecreepypastaz:
TheCreepypastaz Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student General Artist
XD
Reply
:iconintellectadmirer:
IntellectAdmirer Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
NIIIIIIICE :)
Reply
:iconms-koguma:
Ms-Koguma Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Senpai notice me) [V3] kaomoji set 2 60/67  so wonderfully fantastical! 
Reply
:iconnerdfighter4ever1:
nerdfighter4ever1 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014
Oh, brilliant.
Reply
:iconmrsprime3819:
MrsPrime3819 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
I luv the yo mama jokes especially the cybermen joke
Reply
:iconamberflicker:
amberflicker Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist

"Hello, Chicken"


...You would say that, Jack...

Reply
:iconimlittlekasey:
ImLittleKasey Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014
OMG! :squee: So awesome!  Especially the knock-knock one and the "If it's avian it's ours."  Great work! :happybounce: 
Reply
:iconravenclawtimelord:
ravenclawtimelord Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
LOLLL
Reply
:iconcupcakecarmen123:
CupcakeCarmen123 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You spelled Slitheen wrong. (Slathine is incorrect)
Reply
:iconsliftini:
Sliftini Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"If it's avian, it's ours."
I've been sick and that cheered me up. THANK YOU!
Reply
:iconthe-random-writer:
the-random-writer Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013
I am so using those yo mama jokes xD 
Reply
:iconronnieangell:
ronnieangell Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
Oh my God, Jack. Just, Jack.
Reply
:iconearthsongfairy:
Earthsongfairy Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Student Writer
Why do I have a feeling that Jack would actually say that if he met a chicken?
Reply
:iconweaselcookiesonice:
WeaselCookiesOnIce Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
lol i couldn't hold in my laugh when jack flirted with the chicken. he should do that in an episode....
Reply
:iconlonelyangelofasgard:
LonelyAngelofAsgard Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013
Jack's answer *dies laughing*

Seriously, anything that moves.
Reply
:iconblossomfall13:
Blossomfall13 Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
im sorry, its bothering me as a whovian, wholigan, an dWholian: Peri, not Perry, and Slytheen, not Slavine
...
(please dont hit me.. *whimper*)
Reply
:icon93-bananas:
93-bananas Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the Jack harkness chicken thing.
Reply
:iconmiralukanaima:
MiralukaNaima Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
OMG! This is hillarious!!!
Reply
:iconslitheenplanet:
slitheenplanet Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
Did you seriously just put 'slavine'? OMG -.-
Reply
:iconwcdeich4:
wcdeich4 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Who is Idris/Sexy?
Reply
:iconjtpike:
JTPike Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015   General Artist
the TARDIS
Reply
:iconflyingguineapig:
FlyingGuineaPig Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
The TARDIS in human form
Reply
:iconbookjitsu:
BookJitsu Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Spoilers.
Reply
:icondoctorsnextcompanion:
DoctorsNextCompanion Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist
BRILLIANT!!!
Reply
:iconmoose213:
moose213 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
this. is . brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:icondeathruler:
Deathruler Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
:lmao:
Reply
:iconfukuroukimihiro:
FukurouKimihiro Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
These are awesome!
Reply
:iconjokesfb:
jokesfb Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
Great fun , I really enjoy these Doctor Jokes , Thanks for big entertain us jokesfb
Reply
:iconpuma7372:
puma7372 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012
what's the doctor's mad time machine?
the retardis
Reply
:iconbookjitsu:
BookJitsu Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
FANTASTIC!

It's Slitheen, though, isn't it?

Speaking of the Slitheen, RAXACORICOFALLAPATORIOUS!!!! I'm quite proud of myself for being able to pronounce it properly.
Reply
:iconmariposaazure:
MariposaAzure Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I fell out of my chair laughing at this. Thank you for making me smile today. :D
Reply
:iconfroggygirl101:
Froggygirl101 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my god. This just MADE my day! I absolutely love it! I know I read it a few months ago, but I hadn't seen most of the recent seasons. I reread it again today, and now I get ALL of them! XD Thank you for making my day amazing!
Reply
:iconravenwhitecastle:
RavenWhitecastle Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*It's "Slitheen." Although I can understand your misinterpretation due to the accents of any and all Doctor Who characters (except Jack's). These jokes were brilliant, fantastic, AND cool!
Reply
:iconbluewood1204:
bluewood1204 Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't believe that I can understand this.
Reply
:iconjustmeh123:
justmeh123 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yo momma's so fat, Captain Jack didn't try to flirt with her :rofl: :rofl:
Reply
:iconchibiayane:
ChibiAyane Featured By Owner May 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Those were horrible and hilarious all at once. =D
Reply
:iconbunnytwoshoes:
Bunnytwoshoes Featured By Owner May 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
LOLZ i love it!
Reply
:iconkaida93:
Kaida93 Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Student General Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart:
*favourites and links to everyone I know*
Reply
:iconharpseal16:
harpseal16 Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
knock knock
who's there?
doctor
doctor who?
:icondoctorwhoplz::iconftwplz:
Reply
:iconamandamp101:
Amandamp101 Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello chicken. xDDD Love Captain Jack xD
Reply
:iconcobblestoneheart:
CobblestoneHeart Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I die laughing everytime I read this! Great work! It's BRILLIANT!
Reply
:iconmhtg:
mhtg Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012   General Artist
i know another one
Whats cool and blown all over?
Fezzes
Reply
:iconaliexx15:
aliexx15 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello chicken ;) i love jack
Reply
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:iconflyingguineapig: More from FlyingGuineaPig


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Doctor WhoHurtling through time and space,
                                                     Can he ever find a place?
                                             Jumping forward to a brand new earth,
                                                Jumping back to an empty hearth.
                                             Forward again to see the Face of Boe,
                                                 Back in time to meet an old foe.
                                               He is pursued by an incessant fact,
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                                                   The last of the Time Wars,
                                                        The end of his kind,
                                                   He is trapped b

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